Friday, March 25, 2011

Soul Man

Soul ties, lost loves, or the one that got away, whatever you may call it I can tell you it will come back to mess you up in your future relationships. I've thinking about this a lot lately, and I watch some close friends, listened to some very wise counsel. Here is what I have come up with, hopefully it will be helpful in the long run and won't totally mess you up. Oh, and don't worry, no actually names will be used, if you think you recognized yourself, well what can I say? Either, Surprise!  Or sheesh get over yourself, no that isn't you... In either case I most likely will not confirm or deny your suspicions.

Take first love, not the kind when you are in first grade and stare deeply into each others eyes over your bologna sandwiches. I mean the kind that happens when he walks into the room and it seems like the air changes, your heart pounds and all you know is, it absolutely important that you get this person to stay awhile so you can get to know them. 

If your first love is not the person you are with now, then chances are something dreadful happened. This is where the problems come in, because it will invariably leave room for "what ifs," or "if onlys." So lets look at one circumstance that is often a first love killer, unrequited love. Unrequited love is sure to come back to bite you, in the form of a "what if." What if he loved me back? What if I actually told him how I felt? What would life be like if we were together now? Is it really much of a stretch to see that this line of think is poison to any current relationship.

I find that past love, especially a love that could have been, or one that I very much wanted to be, becomes a distraction when pressure and hard times hit in my current relationship. But I am telling you that it isn't harmless fantasy as the world at large would have you believe. It starts with memories, then the mind being what it is, will expand on what really happened to create it's own reality. Soon comparisons will creep in. How can a real live person ever hope to compare to the one you have built up in your mind? He can't.

I found myself in this pressure cooker for years. because no one could live up to the passion and dreams I had built around my dream lover. Time and distance had separated us but he was always waiting in the wings in my memory, waiting for the first sign of trouble in my current relationship. Then out he would slip and it was all down hill from there.

It sounds crazy doesn't it? But I am telling you, that these entanglements will trip you up for years if you let them. For me, it only lasted about 22 years. That's right, 22 years of secrets, comparisons, longing for someone who was not only out of reach, but I had no idea where to even look! That, my friends, is a lot of wasted time. I  think I am finally free. You see, a lot happens in 22 years. People change, but people in memories don't seem to develop the way they do in real life. When life meets fantasy, and you take an honest look at it, the picture isn't so pretty.

So that knight in armor waiting on his steed to whisk me off? Well I found out his armour isn't at all shiny and that steed is more like a broke down nag. My "hero" more or less spit on the beliefs I value most in life. Which tells me, my hero is no hero after all, better to stay and fight for life I have now.

So how about you? What is tying you down? Are you ready to break out the army knife and cut the ties that are keeping you bound?

Don't Say I Didn't Tell You.


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